I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Drake has all the answers
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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