that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
