i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
