You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
