Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
