I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
