i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
