Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
