FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
