I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
