We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
