Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
