No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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