Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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