Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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