I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
