Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
