Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
