I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
