I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
