We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
