Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
