I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
