ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
