areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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