upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she told me i tasted like america
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
