so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
