Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
