If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
