I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
