If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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