Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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