woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
