Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
