Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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