they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
