somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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