I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He better not be in your backpack
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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