Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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