:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
