I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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