I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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