What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
