never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
