i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
