Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
