girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
