I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
