I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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