his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
