I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
